stream-of-consciousness time!

You know it's kind of funny the way this happens:

I've been having my little Teenage Angst issues, for, whatever, however long. That's not the important part.

Three weeks ago I was sitting exams. I walked out of one and for no real reason I felt this total bliss. Nothing was particularly special about that moment. The weather was nice, it had been all week; the exam didn't go well, but it didn't go badly; the same pictures of horses lined the underpass that echoed every footstep back. But still: bliss. Out of nowhere, like my brain had gotten confused about which chemicals to release (we'realljustatoms,afterall). And it didn't matter, because I was small and my legs were bare and there was something peppy on the radio.

And then the day went by and everything was ordinary again. I don't know why I was surprised.

And then life went on! And exams finished, and I forgot to reenrol, and I want to change into a double degree, but I need to find time to work; and I wasn't stressed, but all the fuss and bother was just draining, and Teen Angst reared his cheeky face again.

And I couldn't sleep at 5am, so I listened to Rachmaninoff, and whoever was playing it - don't, I don't know anything about music - played it like it was the apocalypse, like I've never heard it before. And then I listened to Le Onde, and as I did...the god I believe in doesn't have a name, but I swear it was like the a cloud had broken; that first bird brave enough to peep out after a deluge and trill, just to confirm and to celebrate that the world, at least, hasn't gone anywhere.

And I think everything is going to be okay.
I think maybe everything is going to be okay.
Because, after all, I am just one (very small) girl,
And the earth is just one (very small) world,
And our sun is one very small sun.
We're all just falling, of course;
we're all falling towards the earth,
and the earth is falling towards the sun,
and the sun is falling towards the centre of the (very small) galaxy.
They say there's a black hole there. They say that it's supermassive.
And the galaxies - they're rushing apart
Not for a lack of love, of course
but because space is expanding, still
The furthest we've been - we've been to the moon. That's not far, in the scheme of things,
but we've been to the moon! Think:
we're ants crossing the Sahara.
To people in aeroplanes, maybe we're nothing special, maybe our journey isn't great.
But we went to the moon,
we came in peace
for ALL mankind.
(And here, a tangent.
The irony of this being written during the Cold War isn't lost, but look:
On Christmas Day 1914, troops in trenches laid down their arms and exchanged gifts.
Apollo 13 almost ended in disaster,
so the Russians stopped transmitting on their frequencies so there wouldn't be any interference...and they offered their ships to retrieve the astronauts.
Three. Three men. Americans.
In the middle of the Cold War, they did what they could for three Americans.
One of their emergency landing sites for the Soyuz was North America.
A man is not his country, though a country is made up of men;
it's the little things.)
Our greatest troubles are miniscule,
but our greatest achievements are still great,
and isn't that wonderful?

I'm going to close my eyes now, but I'd just like to say, because it bears repeating:
I think everything is going to be okay.