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Salut! Comment ca va!? You may or may not have noticed recently that Valentines Day is tomorrow. This is both good and bad, but mostly it means I want to go to Paris. I have been stuck in a bit of a French obsession recently. This is partially due to the fact that I have seen numerous french films recently, and partially due to the fact that I am studying French this year (hear me discuss my crashing and burning in later blogs, most likely), and partially due to my crush on french tennis players.
All of these are contributors. I MUST GO TO PARIS.
I am sure it is wonderful there. And I will go and eat only baguettes and souffles and crepes and nothing else because they do not sound French enough.
And I will be able to converse cleverly with French speakers, and make intelligent and highly perceptive comments such as:
"Ou est la grenouille?" (Where is the frog?)
"Je pense que la grenouille est la!" (I think the frog is here).
"Je deteste les grenouilles!" (I hate frogs)
"Pourquoi vous n'aimez pas les grenouilles???" (Why do you hate frogs?)
"Je pense que les grenouilles sont tres moches" (I think frogs are very ugly).
So I'll be fine talking about frogs. I believe I will have many in depth conversations about frogs.
But actually, I am sure those sentences are grammatically incorrect. Excuse me.
Anyway. But I don't really like the soppiness of Valentine's Day, and for that matter I mostly dislike lovesongs. So here is my list of Top Five Anti-Lovesongs (TM) for your reading pleasure:
#5. Tiny Vessels - Death Cab For Cutie
Death Cab is mildly disappointing recently. I liked them when Benjamin Gibbard was crying his broken little heart out privately and without the adoration of thousands of lovesick teenagers. Unfortunately, supported by the abundant love of said teens, Benjamin Gibbard has now found a happy new pop-formula which he applies to every song, and then adds witty maths metaphors to hint subtly, delicately, at the broken down relationships, and oh poor Benjamin, why will your heart not mend, why?
However, I actually quite like Death Cab. Anyway. This song is lovely, and also fairly depressing. And also about thinking people are pretty, but not loving them for their inner beauty. Ben, you shallow bastard. I can call you Ben, right? We're on nickname terms now, aren't we?
P.S. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's deeper than that, but shut up, it's late, I'm tired.

#4. Bloody Motherfucking Asshole - Martha Wainwright
Okay, so I'm pretty sure this song was actually written about Martha's father, but still... it's kind of an anti-lovesong in a different way. So if you're a fan of unnecessary and bitter swearing about hurtful men, I guess this is for you. Personally, I just really like writing the title and giggling.
I get to swear, because it's lyrics! Wa-hoo!

#3. Kill The Director - The Wombats
I love The Wombats. I love their wonderful pop music. I love their ridiculous lyrics. I love hearing them talk about East Enders and rom-coms. That is all.

#2. I'll Kill Her - SoKo
I have newly discovered SoKo and this was the first song I heard. Mostly, I like the fact that she makes up words, and is sullen and bitter and has an accent (see above French rant). Also she is very blunt and adorable. Okay, so I guess it's not "moral" and "logical" to threaten to kill your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend, but SoKo makes it snappy and fresh!!!
Or something like that. Does it not sound like I just described snowpeas? Reading back on that, I feel like I'm describing snowpeas.
Or carrots.
Maybe green beans. There is an abundance of snappy, fresh vegetables. Seriously, think about it. I am not even kidding.

#1. Rootless Tree - Damien Rice
So a while ago I was driving with my friend (let's call her "Face" because that is what I call her), and playing a mixtape in my car (endlessly cooler than "mix cds". I spit on mix cds. Hypothetically. I don't actually bother spitting on them, because that would be tiresome and gross, but by that I mean they are not as cool) (I think you got that though. Because we're on the same wavelength, right? We're on nickname terms now aren't we? Yeah. We're tight). And this song came on, and then "Face" took a drink from her water bottle and started choking because the chorus is basically comprised of Damien yelling "fuck you" at someone. As I have mentioned before, I quite like swearing in my music. But anyway. That story didn't go anyway. The moral is, Damien Rice makes wonderful music for of obscenities and now I should be asleep. Why are you still reading? What are you doing? You should be asleep. Unless you are in the northern hemisphere, in which case you should be awake, and what the hell are you doing sleeping, you lazy bastard? That's right. You.

Oh by the way, I love you and Happy Valentine's Day.

All the best,
Anna.