Meeting People Is (n't) Easy

Ok, so a little intervention about how I fail to communicate with others. Speak up.
Again, these things have actually happened. I probably shouldn't mention that to you, reader, because it will make me seem more like the recluse I am.

And god, we wouldn't want you to know that, would we?

Our first scene is set, at the ever-awkward Orientation week, AKA, O-Week. The 'O' you will find, has signifigance later on (other than the obvious signifigance of being the beginning letter of the word orientation). Yes? Good, you're keeping up.

To add to the already extreme levels of awkward, it is suggested that our little tight-knit* group of o-week troopers play a game called 'speed dating'.

Me: Oh gee, speed-dating, what fun! Gosh, how awkward, I feel like I hardly know you, but, here we are!

(STAGE DIRECTION)

Pause for apprieciative laugh

Give up already, they don't find you funny

O-Week Trooper One: '... So, I study engineering. I got an ENTER of 97, and I hope to complete an honours year, and someday work with the worlds greatest upcoming scientists.'

Me: 'I don't really like Science.'

O-Week Trooper One: 'But you're doing a science degree.'
Me: 'Really?'

O-Week Trooper One: '...'

Me: '... Kidding. What do you do outside of uni?'
O-Week Trooper One: 'I work out alot.'

Me: (running out of small talk) 'Oh, well I guess you could join the gym here then?'
O-Week Trooper One: 'No.'

Me: 'Oh.' (I told you it would be signifigant later on. I just didn't say how signifigant)

(STAGE DIRECTION) moves to the left, to meet the next happy camper.

Happy Camper: 'Hello, pleased to meet you'.

(Happy Camper shakes hand, Me, awkwardly is not sure at first whether Happy Camper is going for a high five)**

Me: 'And the same goes for you.'

Happy Camper: 'I am a church leader for my local Christian centre.

Me: 'I collect teacups'

Happy Camper: 'I run a youth group, attended by all the local followers, we have a great time.'

Me: 'Oh, wait, did... did they tell us to move along? I'm sure they said it was time to change partners... lovely meeting you.'

(STAGE DIRECTION) Shoves the person to the left, out of the way, poste-haste

Ok, so, that was a given. Meeting fellow students is bound to turn up the odd absolute pratt. But there is more. Read on, if you will.

So, we know that the pur-chasing of goods involves a small amount of interaction, usually with the shop keep. Therefore, the aquisition of a cup of coffee, throws a small period of waiting next to said shop keep into the mix. Watch what happens.

Me: 'Hi, could I just grab a skinny-latte please?'***

Barrista: 'Well...'

Me: 'Actually, do you do vanilla lattes?'

Barrista, looks left, right, leans over the counter and looks me in the eye

Barrista: 'Just for you', *wink*

Me: 'Uhm, Ok actually, just a skinny latte then thanks.'

(STAGE DIRECTION) steps away from the counter, bumps into man in suit waiting for his short-black

Barrista: 'So, you look lovely. Where are you off to tonight? A work meeting?'

Me: 'Ahhh, no, just going out to see a band with friends.'

Barrista: 'Oh. So you're busy tonight. What are you doing later?'

Me: 'Uh, seeing...the band?'

Barrista: 'How old are you?'

Me: 'I...'

Skinny-vanilla-latte is placed on the counter

(STAGE DIRECTION) grabs the coffee, runs to friends, is creeped out and has the constant feeling of being watched

So, I guess you could say these events weren't really that awkward. But, in a public place, amongst public people, with my public-face on, it get's awkward. Publicly.

Or maybe I get awkward. Perhaps it's me, and not you, the general society. Perhaps read the next situation and decide for yourself.

At a supermarket, buying some orange juice, the following occurs. (If I could use the font they use at the bottom of the screen in Law and Order, believe me I would)

Me: 'Hi there, just this thanks.'

Check-out lady: 'That will be 2:49'****

Me: 'Oh, actually, can I use EFTPOS for that?'

Check-out lady: bluntly 'Swipe your card and select your account'

(STAGE DIRECTION) Swipes card and selects account obediantly

Waits, also in an obediant fashion

-the dubious tones of some dead singer float over the ocean of silence that seems to have engulfed me and my good friend, check out lady-

Check-out lady: 'Sigh, shuchu aw aster'

(STAGE DIRECTIONS) mishearing Check-out Lady, decides to use the appropriate substitution for these situations...

Me: 'Hahahaha, ahhhhhh' smiles alot

Exit

-Realises later that Check-out Lady had actually just said 'Sigh, such a waste' , reffering to the apparently covetable dead-singer's death-

In conclusion, life is an awkwardly constructed stage, made from milk-crates and a large piece of black material, tucked in and held up by thumbtacks.

And so, there is always an audience, watching, if only for the moment when you trip over and spectacularly bring down the theatre, in a cascade of milk-carrying containers and a piece of material that used to live in your grandmother's sewing room.

<3

* Oh god we were anything but tight-knit. I don't employ sarcasm well, so, you know, a little hint wont hurt.

** I'll tell you now, that does make for an awkward hand shake.

*** Yes I do feel like a fool when I order this. I know. Leave me be already.

****Apparently the qualifacations for supermarket work do NOT include year 5 mathematics essential, 'making decimals and fractions fun!'