<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Ok, so whilst in a waiting room yesterday, I overheard two mothers, discussing the gurgling, drooling little things propped up on their knees.
Mother one: 'Yes well, little Jarvis here is a very good sleeper, he never wakes us up during the night. In fact he sleeps the whole night through usually.'
Mother two: 'Oh well Atticus is pretty good, Bill and I have only ever had to wake up for him a few times.'
No, calm down a second, this is not some writing about how well children sleep, and how best to appease their little faces. Read again.
Jarvis.
And Atticus.
Now, normally I would applaud these two mothers for their excellent choice in names. But it was pretty clear they were just trying to be 'hip' mothers. Just so they could go to their 'post-baby-work-out-clubs' and discuss how little Arwen and Omar are handling their stewed pairs. I mean, to me, this sounds like two little manchilds are sitting at a table with the New Yorke Times, dribbling pulverised food down their faces while discussing the awful fall in the stock market. And this seems anything but sophisticated and austere.
More to the point. Imagine a baby Jarvis.
Would he sit in his high chair and demand mother to bring him his crayons so he could compose such wonders like 'Sorted for E's & Wizz'? Or 'This is Hardcore'? He's a little young, don't you think?
And his solo album. His SOLO album (which is the best thing ever by the way).
How did this come about? Was there an argument at playgroup over who could play with the little colourful boom box stereo (with detachable microphone)? I guess all bands have their musical differences.
To be honest, I don't think I'd name my child Jarvis, unless I thought he would be one day able to write an entire song based around the line 'Fat children took my life'. And if, at the age of three months, he could...what more reason to shove him into the spotlight and hope he one day shaves his head in public and attacks cars with umbrellas. I mean, I know in his song Babies Jarvis says 'Oh I want to take you home. I want to give you children' but it doesn't mean you should take said children and give them names like *Vanslow Chay Barker.
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P.S, taking children is wrong.
*(Yes, suggested by a baby-names website)
ERGH I KNOW RIGHT? People are ridiculous. Amongst kids I see at before school care, there are: Dallas, Marchello, Chas, Goodren, and Lars.
ReplyDeleteWHAT. IS. THAT.
But I loved this.
Interesting fact: today I was forced (I was stuck on a train) to listen to two girls doing first year uni discuss:
Girl One: So don't tell me you'd NEVER try anal?
Girl Two: Yeah, I guess..
Girl One: I mean, I definitely would. I'm just worried my face would hurt. Because, you know, your face would be rubbing against the pillow right? That would hurt, right???
...
...
...
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MY BRAIN IS POISONED.
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Oh my god that's awful. I...I'm speechless.
ReplyDeleteBut as for child names, I like the names they chose... I just don't like the reason they chose them for! No one can be the new Jarvis!
Except Jarvis himself if he chose to recreate himself. Then only he could.
I think you need to clear out your brain by reading or listening to something wholesome. Anal is not wholesome. Not at all.
Shudder.
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Um, OK, I think you're missing the crucial piece of information here, and that is that that woman's little baby boy was born and was just the DANDIEST BABY EVER, OK, in which case there's really nothing ELSE she could have named him.
ReplyDeleteThat said I actually think those are the best baby names ever...mostly because, you know, actually names! Not just some random letters mushed together! Like, typing that last sentence I accidentally wrote "rnaodom lettres musched", it was clearly a sign, THAT'S a bad bb name. Atticus I can get behind. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ATTICUS. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. LAWYER POWER ACTIVATE!
I know, I do love the names.
ReplyDeletebut clearly they are giving their children those names for points.
And can the children really live up to their names?
And actually, I'm sure Jarvis was the dandiest baby ever, how could he not have been?
Look at that face.
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P.S, the one with the child called Atticus was all:
ReplyDelete"I don't know, I think it's from like, some book, lol"
No.
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